The labyrinth world of doublethink:
"To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully constructed lies, to hold simultaneously two opinions which cancelled out, knowing them to be contradictory and believing in both of them, to use logic against logic, to repudiate morality while laying to claim to it......to forget what it is necessary to forget then draw it back into memory again at the moment when it was needed, and then promptly forget it again, and above all apply the same process to the process itself - that was the ultimate subtlety: consciously to induce unsconsciousness, and then, once again, to become unconscious of the act of hypnosis you had just performed. Even to understand the word of "doublethink" involved the use of doublethink."
A sort of descrition of how my mind works. Lifted from the book 1984 by Orwell. It is mind blowing to ponder on it and I think I just spent the last 30 minutes doing just that. I am applying it to a predicament I am facing haha.
This is the best explanation I have to why you think I am what I am. I doublethink to believe what I need to believe for whatever reason - to get through the day, to lessen anxiety, to avoid conflict, to be normal, to not hurt someone". Meanwhile holding whatever I believe is true in my subconscious only to bring it out when flashes of a mental picture of the word "ALARM" is going off in my head. All my thoughts momentarily freeze as the mental picture becomes clearer and clearer until it fades away in less than a second. Yeah, reeking a little bit of insanity huh? Another vague post to get something off my chest. Yeah, i'm not dense.
BRAIN DAMAGE: I dont know how I can read a book and think I havent read it until reading the last few words. :/