Scramble

I find it amusing when people consider me to be strong or confident or assertive or anything related. Well actually its one person haha (you know who you are!) So thank you. I dont see myself the way you do so maybe im not seeing myself the way I should be? lol

Little comments like that mean so much to me. Words are powerful. And i feel empowered by your comment, so thank you! hehe

I've been away for only 3 months and I feel like a totally different person. Im still quiet, im still like the old me. But im happier and I feel stronger. I am more at peace with myself and do not feel obligated to please everyone with nice manners to a point where it is insanely unecessary haha. Its actually very liberating to feel that you dont need anyone to make or keep you happy. Although, friends and family will always be important. I think that Ive finally learned to be happy with myself and to not constantly seek anyones approval.

There's a bug going around! Goodness gracious! Only caby will get it, but please do not reply regarding the "matter". lol. Anyway, things happen for a reason and they will be resolved if meant to be. All the dramz now makes me want to go home to comfort and be comforted. But you know my reasons :)

I still miss home, miss friends, miss everyone, miss BF haha. But I dont feel lonely anymore. Well I have a few weeks left to go anyway and there is so much to look forward to and Im running again soo things are easier and more fun haha.

Im just rambling. That talk with boi on the way home made me miss my friends back home.

Cindy! I promise i'll post something makeup related soon! I just havent been amusing myself with oggling and playing with makeup recently haha but sometime this week.

And thank you to everyone who's been reading my nonsense posts and to those who come back to check if i have new posts haha. I usually just tralala and find things to write in my blog but for the past couple of days im just so ewan haha.

One mess of an entry.

Different things rolled into one entry.


ME:

Great News! I finally feel much better and have the appetite to eat! haha But that is good news, because for 5 days I couldnt eat anything. And if i did eat no matter how small the portion was it just didt not sit well in my stomach. :( But today while walking around in Walnut Creek, i felt it! Hunger! :)



FOOD:

I was looking for pictures of what I had today haha but this is all I found. I had a Yik Yak Salad which is an Oriental Salad with south of the border flair. A crsip of mix greens, cabages, jicama, red peppers, snow peas, tossed with sweet sesame dressing and topped with toasted almonds (yeah, that description is from their menu haha) with a side of Roadhouse Onions which is like the onion brick at Racks but much much much better! :)




And no Im not a pig haha I didnt have two I shared one with my tita. I want one NOW. mmm Im a fussy salad eater haha. I eat them because I have to and I like veggies but its rare that I actually like the salads from restos (this one is a fave and the one from cyma is pure love! ) Which is difficult when youre a starting vegetarian/pescetarian because you think well what else am i gonna eat?! But ive survived for almost a year! :) but anyway i'll save that for an entry on my anniversary haha



MAKEUP:

Anyway, Blue and yellow makeup. I back to mac'ed quite a few things the other day. But the ones I wanted to get were out of stock. Cant really complain when youre getting free stuff so I just got Clarity (they didnt have freshwater or electric eel) and Knight Divine (I want me some chrome yellow!). Clarity is a matte rich aqua color and very similar to Electric Eel, there was barely any difference when I swatched them on my hand but Electric Eel is a satin bright blue e/s with shimmer. Knight Divine ( i kept thinking Dark Knight! haha) is a Black with silver pear e/s its almost like dark gray though. Im about half done with the blue palette! yay! but im not buying anymore haha I constantly have to tell myself not to, but it just happens haha but mind you I just participated in a recycling program and just got them for free so that doesnt count haha.

Hot mess. LOL

This wouldve been so much better with chrome yellow :(

What I Used:

EYES
UDPP - base
Coastal Scent Yellow E/S - lid
M.A.C. Clarity E/S - lid, crease
M.A.C. Prussian - outer corner crease
M.A.C. Nylon - inner corner

M.A.C. MSF in Perfect Topping (Sugarsweet Collection) - brow highlight

FACE:
M.A.C. Studio Sculpt Fdtn
M.A.C.Moisture Cover concealer
Blush from the Coastal Scents Blush Paltte (1st pan on the bottom)

I wish I coudve taken better pictures but we were in a hurry to get to my cousins spelling bee. He was his schools representative for the county and he was one of the youngest. He's in 3rd grade and was up against 8th graders! how fair is that? but anyway, proud that he made it that far :)

MSF - Refined (Tan/peach/coral melange)

MSF - Perfect Topping (Pink/peach/lavender melange)

I love Perfect Topping. I got the wrong one, I was supposed to get refined which suits my coloring much better but I tried it anyway and I love it. Though I dont see myself buying more soon since it has very limited use. Im not a fan of the frying pan look so this I will mostly use as a cheek, nose, brow highlighter and its huge! It will take me years to finish it. My Belightful is about a year old and its pretty much intact.

But looking at Refined makes me want to get it haha. Nah, decisions are constantly made and though i feel tempted all the time to just splurge I always have to remind myself that my luck will eventually run out and in a few months I will be back to being broke again. So i better save!



RANDOM BLAH:

Ahh decisions decsions. I wish that when we decide, it becomes written on stone hahah. But life doesnt work that way and you have to remind yourself over and over again the reasons for your decisions. Like deciding not to get Refined. Whenever I see it, i have to tell myslef over and over again that I dont NEED it haha i just WANT it. No but I guess I wouldnt want it be that way. Its just so complicated haha we always have to conscioulsy make those decisions even when we say or think weve decided haha

We are always faced with decisions. What to eat? What to wear? What to watch?blah blah blah. And bigger decisions in life, "What do I do?" and making decisions is never easy. Especially when you constantly remind yourself that the decisions you make now will affect you in the future (think-butterfly effect haha) But thats the thing, how do you know that the decision you made was the right one? Most of the time, we find out, when we realize that we made the wrong decision.

CARPE DIEM!

First of all, Happy anniversary/monthsary to my love caby and ralph!

Anyway, yeah that was related because they officially got together about 2 days after I left. haha So its my 3rd monthsary too! Well actually it was yesterday, the 24th.


and time goes by so fassst! its insane. I feel like im in between, I feel that I left just recently but also feel like ive been floating around for quite some time now too. When I think about it, 3 months is such a short span of time you know? But a lot of things have happened, so I feel like its all been stretched out into a year.


See, for 2009 I :
1. Passed the Nursing board exam
2. got a "job"
3. have seen my baby cousin GROW!


and a bunch of other stuff. I got lazy to complete the list. But some of those things are just soo insignificant to me right now and I just get lost. I cant even keep track of days and dates. Im just floating. And thats what ive been doing for 3 months. Everything is robotic. I once complained to a friend and he said "ahh, SSDD" I had no idea what that meant so I asked. "Same shit, different day". But what else is there to do?

The only thing keeping me here is my Mother and my income. haha of course my mom is way more important, my sideline is just a bonus. I get to see her once a year every christmas. So I found this as an oppurtunity to spend more time with her. I will miss her when I go back home, so im trying to make the most out of it. And soo, nothing is going to make me go home. Even though there are days when I just feel so lonely that I want to get on the next available flight back home. But, time and timing ahh is not always on our side. And what is 6 months? compared to the 4-5 years that my mom has spent away from home? I also dont know when I can go back to visit my mom so I finally decided. The rest of the world can wait! It isnt like its going to stop with me. So I say, carpe diem!

But on a lighter note, this trip has taught me a lot of things. Little things that I consider to be missing pieces of myself. Which I will not divulge here because well who cares really hahaha. I think I will look back at this someday and be happy with my decision. Emphasis on someday. haha i am so not feeling it right now!

Facebook! Is keeping me company. I was just telling caby a while ago "I freakin comment on just about anything I see on facebook, thats how bored I am!" haha. But really, friends on facebook and elsewhere are making it easier. So thanks guys. I just really do not need to spend any more time with myself! So while Dia isnt around yet, virtual friends will do. lol. well atleast, they arent imaginary!

And while some are just so awesome right now. I cant help but wonder if things are going to be the same when I get back. Again with the 3 months thing. So much has happened not just to me but to other people too. I feel sad that a lot of things that I was used to has passed as the year ended. Its just never going to be the same! It doesnt help knowing that most, if not all my girls are losers now. I call them losers because they have a job and have no time for me. haha.

Anyway, I originally put 3 as the title of this entry. but yadah yadah yadah yadah. The 3 months that have passed has been both pretty good and very bad. Kind of scary to think of what else is in store for me for the next 9 months. Im kind of hoping that ive had my fill of the bad stuff already and the next 9 months will all be smooth sailing haha wishful thinking!

So though I dont believe in this crap, here is my 2009 horoscope (HAHAHA)

2009: Leo Horoscope: Love, Career, & General Trends

2009 Overview. 2009 is likely to be a banner year for relationships, connecting with a significant other, and work with the public, dear Leo. Some of you will form a partnership that either leads to marriage or is otherwise significant, some will enhance an existing close relationship, and most will derive much joy from their relationships with significant others. New partners met this year are likely to feel much like a breath of fresh air. Challenging relationships, or challenges in relationships, tend to be left behind. 2009 is a commitment-friendly year for you. Some of you will be taking a casual affair to a whole new level. Romance becomes a little more serious, but "fun-serious". Many of you will fall in love, or re-commit to a current lover. You continue to buckle down with money this year. Matters are not moving quickly when it comes to personal finances—in fact, there can be some struggles regarding unpredictable trends with money from outside sources or shared with a partner, which should be sorted out by October. Those born early in the sign (from July 23-27) may be required to make adjustments in their work and health routines in order to accommodate new changing circumstances. Towards the end of year, many of you will be getting serious about learning, studying hard, and changing your attitudes towards work. Many will be working on perfecting and refining skills that will be useful on the job, and some will be forced into that position. Career matters are dynamic and exciting from June 7-July 5.

Okay, see this just proves that im not typical LEO haha the whole "feel" of the prediction might be the exact opposite of whats happening in my life. The "changing attitudes towards work" would be nice though.

If youre interested to read the rest of this mumbo jumbo LEO 2009 detailed (yes theres more!) horoscope prediction you may CLICK ME. Those who want to check out their own mumbo jumbo 2009 predictions may CLICK ME

hmm and a bunch of other interesting other stuff there too!! that I will now go check haha. Oh I am not in any way associated with the website. I just typed 2009 horoscope leo and clicked on some random link. anyway.

Salvation was scribbled onto the Door
frantic, impatient
yet unforgiving
Beckoning with a single message
to All -
SEIZE THE DAY



Buhbye.

I am sick

blech. the last time I got sick was september last year and I felt like I was going to die. I lost so much weight I had to force myself to eat. Well anyway, i feel like im going to die again. Its probably due to not taking my vitamins after soo long and unhealthy habits. Oh well. thats what you get haha. last time it lasted 3 days with medicine. Im not taking any now because im just being stubborn haha.

Did you know that contrary to popular belief, citrus and vitamin c doesnt do much when you have a cold? dont ask me why because I dont know haha.

Arghhh..my head is chaotic. I have a couple of drafts waiting to be finished. I hope I dont have to work tomorrow because I just really dont need a crying, screaming and kicking koala stuck to my waist and it wouldnt be wise to have her around me anyway.

Dia's coming over! finally! I mean soon enough i think? haha im not even sure I couldnt concentrate because my head was pounding. But I think she is, I hope she stays until her ticket expires which is around...i dont think im allowed to say. but anyway, that'll make things faster if shes around then i just have to wait another ughh ladidada days until im home.

Home. Things to do and shit. hay haha. Im thinking of bummin for a few months before I actually look for a job? why? because I havent figured what to do with myself yet. Go back to school and do what I promised myself? ughhh i'll be around 33 by the time i finish school and im not financially capable of doing that just yet. Study something else? maybe. Do what my parents want me to do? mmm il think about it. And besides, I see working as this whole new phase in your life and I dont think im quite ready to make that leap yet. I dunno, I always feel like ending and starting a new chapter in my life is scary. it brings me closer to 30, to 40, to 50 to death! haha

anyway, im just rambling. im sure most of the stuff i typed wont make much sense to me in the morning.


Goodnight!

Challenges

I love challenges. I guess its because it gives me a chance to prove myself that I can do things I dont normally do or would hesitate to do .... Although, I rarely put myself up for it and people had to do it for me. So this years resolution is to grab every opurtunity that I get and to stop being soo effin negative about everything.

Last years "challenge" was joining the School pageant (HAH!). Yeah, so that was forced on me too. I honestly hate pageants or hated pageants (i dunno). I hate/hated it because

ONE: I dont like being judged by my physical appearance (which coincidentally was the question they asked me in the Q&A). I hate hate hate it. I think its rooted from past experiences, where I felt like I was not at par with what society considers to be beautiful. it's a load of bull, i know. But, growing up in a country where people only consider the mestizas to be beautiful- its kind of natural to think that way.

TWO: I do not like being compared to other people. Which is but natural in pageants. Its kind of because I sometimes feel inadequate and also because no two people are alike so I dont think its fair to compare people. haha

THREE: I do not feel like I need to be scrutinized and to have to exert much effort into making people believe or try to convince people that I am beautiful. BECAUSE I AM! belat! haha

FOUR: Does anyone really need to join those things? I see it as one way of trying to seek approval. And its nonsense. If youre sure of yourself, you dont need validation from anyone.

I can go on with this list, but its mainly because of my first reason. You dont immediately get to that point where the norms dont bug you anymore. Soo, you doubt yourself of being capable. But I am secretly and highly competitive though. hahaha. (BIG emphasis on secretly!) If you remember me asking you in college what your score was on a test, I wasnt as concerned of how you did but of how I did! hahaha. I do go about it differently though, so I may not seem like it. And I hold nothing against those I secretly compete against hahaha. Its gotten to a point where I dont think its normal anymore- I think it should go away after school age years- but thats off topic. LOL. The good thing about being competitive is that once you get into something, you really do go all out or at least try to do your best. I mean, youre already there so might as well go through the whole shebang without having to be shy or whatever.

So anyway, it turned out to be a great experience. For a couple of hours, I didnt feel like I had stage fright haha. Thanks to my friends, family and the Nursing department too! they were all very encouraging and really supportive. And everyone was so nice, and it wasnt like what you saw in movies where all the girls were catty and plotted against each other. haha. Oh no wait, there were some stuff that were odd and well some people who acted nice and all that crap but they really werent haha But I got along with everyone so that wasnt much of a problem.

P.S.: I won too, so that made the experience a 100 times better! haha

L: With MJ, Venus, Gang and Junneth; R: With the HRS Deparment Professors, Heads and Dean

L: With the other Pageant winners; R: My good friends from Grade school, High school and College! :)

L&R: With Jane who was the previous year's winner, my group/duty mate, blockmate and BFF haha

L: With my family =); R: With my blockmates! :)

My Girlaloos!

A few of the photos from the pageant and from the shoot.

More images HERE, HERE and HERE

Hey Everyone!

First post!

So I think I should make this as interesting as I can. haha. I'm Maui, 22 year old R.N. from the Philippines. Still "technically" unemployed. Graduated from school October of 2008 and currently bumming in the US, though I should be studying. I do love my profession, but since i've had the time to explore things that i've always liked, it seems that im going further and further away from my plans haha.

I am on the road to self discovery LOL and want to have a blog to have something to look back at someday and to post random thoughts and whatever for people who are bored enough to read them.

EDIT:
Okay, went back to read it and saw nothing interesting haha. So here re random facts about me:

• So like a lot of people here on blosgspot, Im also a makeup junkie whose only and biggest limitation is money haha. I constantly find myself lemming on makeup and it has been the only thing that keeps me amused the whole day.

  
  

• I am the weirdest LEO you will ever meet. I do posess most of the traits but I just go about things in a different way. I do get what I want, without trying much haha (of course that doesnt apply to everything. But I am a very shy person- I think? haha

• I was taught to be mindful of everything I do or say, which I kind of hate now because I constantly find myself censoring or softening up whatever I have to say.

• I am extreme. Often times I like things that are very different or are the opposite of each other

• I appreciate honest and brutally frank people. And seek them when I want an opinion on something.

• I do not like to surround myself with negative people. Actually me and Caby are sort of wondering if we hang out most of the time because were positive or we always end up being together because we only think were positive but are actually negative HAHAHA

• I have a handful of good friends and I love them to bits! Im not patient enough to pretend that I like someone when I dont.